Nuptiallis Interruptus.

Twas on that tragic wedding day
before they made their vows,
the lightning struck them both, they say
they took their final bows.

So at St. Peter’s pearly gate
this lovestruck couple said
“Scuse me, could you tell us mate
if we can still be wed?”

St. Peter said he didn’t know
he’d never seen it done.
He told them he would have to go
and check it with God’s Son.

A week or two and still no sign
as they discussed detail.
A heavenly Wedding could be fine
but what if it should fail?

The rules of Paradise might mean
that they could never part.
Such cruelty would be obscene
to crush each other’s heart.

A month went by before St Pete
came back to say “They could..
But before his answer was complete
they asked him if he would,
find out what happens should they fight,
would God have to enforce
the couple may have to stick tight
or could they still divorce?

St. Peter seethed like a raging beast
“Well you’ll have to wait here in the foyer.
Took me four bloody weeks just to find you a priest
where the **** now will I find a lawyer?”

(Yes: Another joke put to rhyme)

Did you know that, not ALL gnomes sit still in your gardens?

Did you know that, not ALL gnomes sit still in your gardens?


Between the night and the day beyond
along the banks of the Pixies’ Pond
the Banshees break their sacred bond
and make their way back home

Their Spirit screams evoke a time
of death and suffering, so sublime
of funeral pyres too steep to climb
The playgrounds of the Great King Gnome

Commander of all Armies Black
whose signal launches swift attack
on every soul who turns their back
who through seductive shadows roam

Beware his talon as it sways
across the judgements of our days
lest for his tune, your piper pays
for all eternity to come.

A spring lambent?

A spring lambent?


The crumbling o’ the dry-stane dike
Its saddened sedimentary state
Hard graft, the farmer’s lads won’t like
But to the sheep? An extra gate!

A chance to wander, early doors
To taste sweet grass that lay in wait
By steps, at last each lamb explores
Too soon the mint sauce, for their mate.

Enjoy your frolics in the field
In pastoral casinos sat
The dinner table soon revealed.
I bet you didn’t gambol on that.